Sunday, July 1, 2007

So Disappointed


I have really tried to remain positive and have done everything in my power not to dwell on that which we cannot control. Unfortunately, I need to get some of this out. I fear that if I do not, I might not be able to enjoy our wedding day and that would only be punishment for us.

When we sent out Save The Date cards, over six months ago, we heard from a few people telling us they would not be able to come. We were sad, because we obviously want everyone to share the day with us, but completely understood!! We, however, could never have predicted an outcome like this. We have received confirmation from less than 70 people saying they will be able to come. We had predicted to have a little less than 150. Almost all my family are coming. There are a few family members who live too far away or are busy, but for the most part, my family will be there to support me. A few close family members of Mr. Howard's are coming. His mom, dad, second cousins, a cousin, an aunt, and a sister-in-law are all coming. We are so thankful for the family that will be joining us and I have so much gratitude for them!!!

I have tried to remain strong and have really tried not to let Mr. Howard see my disappointment, but I am genuinely more sad than I can even write in this blog. The night I figured out that we would only have 40% of the people that we invited, joining us it was hard to keep it together. I understand it's expensive to fly to California. I understand that people don't have vacation time or that money is tight or that they have work constraints, but this is it. This is the only thing we expect of them. This is the only time we will ever ask this of them. And I truly don't understand. We are in our 20's, our friends' are in their 20's; we all work; we all have a limited amount of vacation time; money is unbelievably tight for ALL of us and yet, we do it. Why can't they? The thing about which I have shed the most tears is Mr. Howard's only brother. He will not be joining us and for that I am so, so, so sad. Mr. Howard is the most important thing in my life and to see him devastated, breaks my heart in a way that I can't even put into words.

I am saddened at the money wasted, the tears cried, the dreams sacrificed, and most importantly, I am sad that they are going to miss a day they will never be able to get back and a decision they can never overturn.

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