Saturday, September 6, 2008

Ode To Mosquitos and All Things that Bite

Dear Mosquitos,

As much as I appreciate all that you do for the earth, including pollinating the Orchids I love so much, I wish that you would simply go away! I would rather we have no orchids on Earth than have to deal with you on a regular basis. When I went backpacking in Canada and had to be taken to the emergency room because of your bites, I apologized. I had invaded your territory and had attracted you with my "sweet" skin. I should not have entered your camping, wilderness world and have since learned my lesson.

On Wedesday, however, I was minding my own business. I was simply gardening with my husband, only 10 feet away from the door of our house and you had no business being there. We do not have orchids for you to polinate, nor do we have any free-standing water for you to lay your babies. It is for this reason that I am asking you to leave. Please go find someone else who would appreciate your presence, because we do not.

On Friday, after speaking to an advice nurse at Kaiser, I cursed you. I cursed you because I had to leave work early. I cursed you because you required me to get a tetanus shot, antibiotics, and steroids. I cursed you because I was in pain. I cursed you because you choose the one person to attack that is also allergic to anti-histamines. And mostly, I cursed you because you attacked my body, and made my ankles, hip, face, and arms swell up into incredibly unattractive red sores.

So, this is my final plea. Please, LET ME BE!!!

Sincerely,
Mrs. Howard

2 comments:

LittleDreamer said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Oh, my!

Adam said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

That, friend, is classic. I'd love to see what you might say about other things.

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