Monday, June 22, 2009

Not Even A Tiny Bit

**Here is a picture of our nursery closet with all the wonderful books, cd's, toys, and clothes we've received as gifts.

Last night after I made a noise from Baby H.'s movement in my belly, Mr. Howard asked me if it was a kick. When I explained that I haven't felt kicks in months, I detailed how it feels now when our little one moves around. Instead of feeling a poking or popping (like a kick), I feel a strong push and you can actually watch as the baby pokes a butt, elbow, or knee right out of my belly. After showing Mr. Howard what it feels like, he said, "wow that must be annoying!"

It took me so off guard that I was quiet for a moment, because "annoying" is simply a word I would never-ever use to express it. I feel so blessed and truly at peace when I feel it. Perhaps it was my struggle with infertility, perhaps it's because I'm so ready to meet my little one, or maybe it's just a mommy thing, but it is the most amazing feeling to feel a baby inside of you and I wouldn't change it for the world. Do I get annoyed when I wake up in the middle of the night because of the kicking? Yes. Do I get annoyed when I can't find a comfortable position because of the baby? Of course. But am I annoyed at the feeling of the baby? Absolutely not! It's the most wonderful feeling in the whole world and I only wish that Mr. Howard could experience it for one day (secretly, I'd also like him to experience having to sit up in bed with a nine-month pregnant belly extending from his front-side, or getting up to pee 8 times a night, or having heartburn, but I'd settle for him being able to feel the fun parts of pregnancy).

Someday when time has passed and I have forgotten what it was like to be pregnant, I hope I will remember the feeling of having a life inside me.


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