Wednesday, December 23, 2009

B.C.

Mr. Howard and I have a running joke about our life Before Connor (B.C.). So, I thought we could play a little game where I compare my B.C. beliefs to my A.C. beliefs:

  • Belief 1 BC: No one would be allowed in the delivery room except my husband! Who cares?!? I couldn't have cared less if President Obama and former President Bush came in that room when I was delivering the Little Man. My sister and mom were both in the delivery room when we had Connor.
  • Belief 2 BC: No male doctor O.B.G.Y.N. allowed in the delivery room!!! I did not have a male OB in the room when I delivered, but I couldn't have cared less when the time came.
  • Belief 3 BC: I would never allow Connor to sleep in my bed (not because I didn't think I'd love him as much as I do, but just because I felt strongly that my bed should be with my husband). No babies allowed. That one didn't work out quite like I planned. See a later post where I describe how this is going.
  • Belief 4 BC: Life would be the same, but just with a Little Man. Everyone wanted to say to us before he was born, "Oh you're life is going to NEVER be the same! Everything is going to change." Part of this is true. Of course my life is never going to be the same. I'm a mommy. Mr. Howard and I are bonded for eternity and no divorce will ever truly separate us as we are always going to be Mommy and Daddy to Connor. But, in actuality very little has truly CHANGED. We still do everything we would always do (visit Southern California, go out to restaurants, etc.), we just have an additional person with us when we do it.
  • Belief 5 BC: Mr. Howard would still come first. First God, then husband, then baby. Now, maybe this one will change. So I'm willing to see. Everyone always says, "You never know how much you can love until you have a child." I have not had this experience. I love Connor more than life, as I do Mr. Howard. For me, there has been no new kind of love - just an amazing little person to hold and stand in awe of. We'll see though. Some people say they didn't experience this new kind of love until later.
  • Belief 6 BC: No one can imagine what having a baby is like until you have one. This one I go back and forth about. There were definitely things I couldn't have known. It certainly has given me an infinite amount of respect for Mommas and Daddies that I didn't have before. But, mostly, having a baby is what I thought it would be like. I kinda feel like I was prepared for all of it. I certainly do not think (contrary to my father's beliefs) that my age somehow was a hindrance in my preparation. I can't imagine being more prepared at say 30, or 35, or 40 (maybe some older moms and dads will disagree), but I think "you can't know what you don't know." No matter what age you have a baby, there are things you're going to have to learn.
  • Belief 7 BC: It would not change my relationship with my husband at all. Whoa! This one was the most ridiculous belief I had. It has changed my relationship 100%. Some for the better: seeing a man you love with a baby (a baby you both helped to create) is genuinely the most wonderful, special thing in the whole world. Having my husband be the one to tell me what we were having (boy or girl) when Connor came into our world on July 7th has forever changed the way I look at Mr. Howard. It has strengthened our bond and marriage an infinite amount. But there are negatives too. It is hard. Incredibly hard. Being a parent is draining and emotionally overwhelming at times. Remember, sleep deprivation is a form of torture, which basically means you're being tortured every night. If you thought you had an okay relationship on a full night's sleep, try communicating and working together on NO sleep. I have to know my husband to a depth I didn't know existed - know and trust when to hand Connor over because I'm exhausted and not being a good mommy, know when to take Connor out for a walk when Daddy is exhausted and not being a good daddy, know how to communicate without raising my voice (when I'm exhausted and overwhelmed), know when to choose my battles and when to decide it isn't important. To think a child won't strengthen and weaken your marriage, is the most ludicrous, foolish belief of them all.
  • Moms - what were your BC (before child) beliefs and do you still agree with them? Are there any on my list you disagree with?

4 comments:

Hope said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

You're such a great writer! I loved reading this & that last one practically brought me to tears. Thanks for linking it to me!

Courtney H said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

I loved this as well. Very well written and I think you are amazing for allowing yourself to become so personal and open in your post.

My only real BC things were I didnt think I would be able to handle the gross stuff (vomit, wiping noses, drooling on me etc..) but it is almost like it is ok when it is your own child. I have no issues when my kids puke or do any other gross thing =)

themamadiaries said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

You are too cute! Jackie, you're blog reminds me of the first few months of being a mommy! The times when a 20 min nap was impossible and all you wanted was to take an undisturbed bath! Those are the moments that I now look back on and say, "wow, I did it!" The one thing I do think is that my life really has not been the same after Reagan. Before Reagan my life was pretty simple. Now, I plan my day based on her activities. I find myself going on playdates, birthdays or bunco nights throughout the week. I really feel like I have a more enriched social life because of her.

Mrs. Howard said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Thanks ladies!! I started this blog more as a scrapbook with just pictures and quick little snippits. But I had no idea how much I would LOVE it!! =) Thanks for reading!!

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