Friday, February 19, 2010

Confessions of a *New* Mama

Some of these are embarrassing. But this blog isn't about making me look like the perfect wife or perfect mother. It's about documenting reality. So here it is...as real as it comes!

  • I was never worried about delivery or getting my body back when I was pregnant.
  • When I was pregnant, I hated when people said, "Oh. Just wait. Your house will be messy when you have a baby. Just you wait and see" and currently do everything in my power (even if it means getting up early or going to bed late) to prove them wrong daily.
  • When I was pregnant, I hated when people acted smug that they had had a natural birth. We all pushed a baby out! We all are happy with our choices. And at the end of the day, I had a WONDERFUL, WONDERFUL, WONDERFUL birth experience.
  • Okay all you fellow blog readers, don't be mad about this one, but honestly, I think people who have natural births are crazy. Of course I'm being slightly dramatic. But, really. Those same people would never have a root canal without medicine. **Don't hate me. I said it'd be real, not necessarily pretty**
  • I have NEVER sterilized a bottle...ever!
  • I sometimes let Little Man cry in his crib so that I can take a shower.
  • I feel TREMENDOUS guilt about not breastfeeding past 5 months, even though I know I did everything I could to work on it (seeing and talking to lactation consultants, seeing my pediatrician, and even taking a few days off work to simply nurse).
  • I haven't had a manicure or a pedicure since a couple weeks after Connor was born and I NEED it!
  • I wonder how my husband is able to make a decision about what Connor is going to wear or how he manages to make himself breakfast and get out the door on time on Thursday's when he is a stay-at-home daddy.
  • I feel embarrassed when Connor isn't wearing socks - I feel like people look at me with disdain, like he isn't well cared for...when in reality he just pulls them off the second you put them on him.
  • I think my child is absolutely, unequivocally one of the most adorable babies to ever have walked the earth.
  • I will sometimes let Connor sit in a poopy diaper if I know Mr. Howard is on his way home.
  • After reading a blog about a mama who's baby boy drowned in the tub, I am beyond a NERVOUS NINNY while Connor is in the tub. As a mom, it has truly been a lesson in NEVER TAKING YOUR EYES off your little one. Feel free to visit the mama's blog and send beautiful prayers her way (her precious boy just woke up a few days ago)!!!!
  • I trust Mr. Howard wholeheartedly with Connor...as long as he doesn't give him a bath when I'm not home.
  • I don't feel guilty about working. I watched this interview with an actress who said that being a working mommy is constant guilt. I just don't feel this way. Of course I cried the first few times I left him at daycare. Of course there are days when I want to snuggle with him. Of course there are days when I think, "maybe I should stay home full time." But guilt isn't in my vocabulary anymore. At this point in my life, for me, I am a better, more present Mommy when I have a break during the day. Although I do love getting to be a stay-at-home mommy every couple of months (ahh the joys of teaching).
  • I could cry when I see my husband rub Connor's back or love on him when he bumps his head.
  • I sometimes feel overwhelmed.
  • I pray daily about Connor. "Please, Lord, let this bump be nothing...please let him stop crying...thank you for such a wonderful, whole child...Thank you for giving me the gift of motherhood."
  • Whenever someone asks me how old Connor is, I'm tempted to lie. I want to say, "a few weeks old" because that's what he is to me. I feel like saying his real age makes it seem like we had him forever ago.
  • Being a mom has made me more passionate about Prop 8 and equal rights. Connor should live in a world where discrimination doesn't exist.
  • When Connor is fighting naptime, I try DESPERATELY to get him to go down. It is less about him needing the nap than it is about me needing the nap.
  • Sometimes when Connor smiles or does something truly amazing (like the other day when I stuck my tongue out at him, and he did it back to me!!!!) I think, "Gosh he is brilliant."
  • I get annoyed with Moms who think their children are brilliant.
  • I am jealous that Mr. Howard gets to go to school at nights and that it means I can't go to the gym.
  • I worry there will come a day when I have the time (and a babysitter) to go to the gym because then, of course, I'll really have to go.
  • I desperately want another child, but wish I could find a way to not have to donate my body to the cause.
  • I want Connor to say Mama first.
  • I want Connor to think I'm an amazing Mommy.
  • I want Mr. Howard to be proud of me.
  • I sometimes judge other Mommas.
  • I wonder how Mr. Howard thinks the laundry gets done and the diaper bag gets packed (diaper and laundry fairy, I'm sure).
  • I feel immensely grateful for having experienced pregnancy.
  • I don't want to be judged for these confessions!!!! Y

2 comments:

Rachel said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

"Honestly, I think people who have natural births are crazy. Of course I'm being slightly dramatic. But, really. Those same people would never have a root canal without medicine."

This is my favorite one. I am one of those "natural birth" people and I agree with you.

My confession: sometimes I feel smug about having a natural birth.

And then there are days, like today, when I read your blog - I think, "You're right! I would never have a root canal without medicine. What gives me the right to judge you?"

Thank you for being honest!

Jen said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Interesting read...Love the no socks one. Ellie is the same. Reminds me of my friends in New York getting yelled at, "Get a hat on that kid!" in the the dead of winter. Too funny. Kids know more than some adults think. Socks/hats are not always necessary.

Oh and natural birth...yep crazy indeed. When the nurse was wheeling me in from the car asking me if I was planning on having anything for the pain I told her I didn't have time to choose with Mason and it turned out Ellie was even faster. Crazy painful, don't get me wrong. These kiddos were worth it though.

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