Thursday, September 23, 2010

Each Day is So Different

Yesterday I could barely get out of bed. I couldn't stop crying. I knew the obituary would be in the paper and I knew it would be tangible. Real. Today it was easier to wake up, maybe because Connor was crying on the baby monitor and I had a purpose. Maybe because I'm beginning to deal with it all.

I went to dinner with friends last night and I spoke about Cole. I was able to laugh and that felt good. But then I feel guilty for laughing. I went home and thought, "how can I go to dinner and have fun?" Logically, of course, I know that this is part of life. I have to laugh and smile and have fun. But it feels wrong.
Today I look at the photos of Cole and smile. I remember the happiness. Some people can't ever have children and I've been blessed with two sons: Connor - a beautiful, healthy boy and Cole - a beautiful Angel. How lucky am I?

2 comments:

courtney said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

I'm glad your mom was able to be there with you to support you and Mr. Howard. These pictures are precious Mrs. Howard. I'm so glad you have them. There are times you will look at them and feel all the stages of grief all at the same time. I know how much all of this just sucks. How hurt, angry, sad and confused you both are. It is ok to laugh. It's ok to smile. Not only is it just a part of life, it is healthy for your heart. We are here for whenever you need us.

The Schult Family said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Thank you for sharing the beautiful photos... there is so much love.

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