Saturday, October 23, 2010

Too Soon

Everyone was telling me at the hospital that I wouldn't want to be in an empty house, that I wouldn't want to be bored, and that I should probably go back to work after I healed physically from childbirth after about 3 weeks. So I listened. I had one friend who suggested I might need more time and that I should be flexible, but everyone else was saying to go back after a few weeks.

I went back to work after three weeks. And that was not a smart decision.

The wonderful joy of being a teacher (ha!) is that we feel responsible for our children. Yes, of course, I also feel responsible for myself, Connor, and for Cole. But I am responsible for the 30 children who sit in my classroom each day. I need to be there for them. And that is what motivated me to go back to work (did I mention I had a sub who did nothing to help me?).

And now I'm paying the price. I had all the markers of post-partum after my doctor's visit on Wednesday, which means I now have psychologist appointments, follow-up ultrasounds for Mr. Howard and I (to check our kidneys), support group meetings, and not enough time in the day to do it all.

It's all too soon.

3 comments:

Nina said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

So sorry to hear you are feeling overwhelmed. I know I would be in your shoes as well; as I couldn't even go back to work after having Paul, under MUCH easier circumstances. But, I did suffer from postpartum depression and can relate to those feelings (of course not to everything you're going through). If you ever need to talk (verbally or in writing) I am always here to listen. Love and prayers always...

Kirsten said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

You have a servant's heart and I am sure not only the call of stacking up paperwork for you to attend to, but the needs of your 30 children was pulling at you. Sometimes it is hard to understand that God cares so much for us. I sometimes feel like I should too. I feel like I need to be serving, serving, giving, giving, and then God does something that is just for me- and it doesn't make sense to me. I hope that you can take time for yourself- I would seriously suggest finding a Biblical counselor and not a psychologist (I just don't agree with medication or secular advise first shot.) and really pray that you get more time with your family!

Kirsten said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Wierd- my comment wierded out- it is supposed to say...

Sometimes it is hard to understand that God cares so much for us too. I sometimes feel like ...

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