Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Would it make you uncomfortable?

At a halloween party that Little Man went to on Saturday, I was asked a new question, twice, by two different people. Then, yesterday, while at an ELD training I was asked the same question.

Is Connor Your Only Child?

I was so caught of guard at the Halloween party that I answered, "Yes, he is." I didn't know what to say. I didn't want to make anyone uncomfortable. But the second the words came out of my mouth both times on Saturday, I was heartbroken. Cole is my baby. And while people may not understand that or feel uncomfortable when I say it, it doesn't change the reality.

So...Yesterday, when the woman asked me if I only had one child, I said no. "I have two sons." And then the inevitable question came out.

How Old is Your Other Son?

I tried a new approach. I said, "I don't want to make you uncomfortable, because I promise it's okay. My other son passed away when he was little. He's in heaven." She started to look horrified that she had asked and I just said with a big smile, "I promise it's okay. It makes other people more uncomfortable than it does me. Do you have any children?" She smiled and continued on with the conversation.

I'm not sure what I'll say or do the next time it is asked. But, saying that Connor is my only child is no longer an option. I will not deny Cole's existance.

A friend suggested I say in response, "Connor is my first." I ABSOLUTELY loved that response. And I actually tried that with the woman at the conference. But she said, "Oh so you have others?" Anyone else go through this? How do you handle it? Lindsey, I'm thinking of you...what do you say when people ask if you have children?

3 comments:

LittleDreamer said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

A friend of mine used to answer I have three boys at home. Her daughter died soon after childbirth, and that was her way of honoring her memory and place in their family. However, that answer isn't fool proof either...

Kirsten said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

I am glad that you are talking about him though. Not sure how to handle it. I am always so straight forward, I would probably say, "one boy here and one in heaven, and how many kids do you have?" right away so the ball is back in their court- but I don't know how many people would want more info after your question? Maybe say "without detail, I have one..., how about you" But I guess then talking about it everytime would be hard- but maybe not? Maybe it is a chance to think about him?

Lindsey said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

I have been asked more times than I can count. And at first I was really awkward about it all but now I say matter of factly that I have two daughters that live in heaven...and just like you I tell them that its okay that they asked because I don't ever want them to be forgotten about. I like the direct approach and it actually flows out pretty easily now (after much practice).

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