Saturday, October 30, 2010
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
At a halloween party that Little Man went to on Saturday, I was asked a new question, twice, by two different people. Then, yesterday, while at an ELD training I was asked the same question.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Monday, October 25, 2010
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Saturday, October 23, 2010
The doctors believe that Cole had Multicystic Dysplastic Kidney Disease, based on the results of his autopsy. I found a really helpful website about MDKD (Click Here). If Cole had only had one multicystic kidney, he more than likely would have survived. But unfortunately, both kidneys were filled. In addition to having 2 kidneys filled with cysts, Cole's left kidney was also significantly enlarged. Our poor baby didn't just have Multicystic Dysplastic Kidney Disease, but also reverse diastolic flow in the cord (blood moves back toward the heart when the heart relaxes), which meant that Cole wasn't getting enough nutrients.
There is a slight chance that Cole had Polycystic Kidney Disease, which is a genetic disease (and would NOT be a good disease to have). The doctors are going to do ultrasounds on my kidneys and Mr. Howard's kidneys in order to determine whether or not we have cysts in them (and are unaware...apparently it's possible to have cysts and not have any symptoms). This won't definitively tell us anything, but if neither of us have it, it will either mean we aren't carriers or we carry the recessive gene. If either of us has cysts in our kidneys, it will mean we are carriers of the Polycystic Kidney Disease (PKD) gene.
Both Mr. Howard and I are feeling like the results were very inconclusive, but we were happy that they are going to do ultrasounds on our kidneys.
All of this means that we have a 25% chance of having another child with MDKD, which is clearly beyond heartbreaking news! I know that those aren't horrible odds, but I don't know if I can go through this again. How would I survive?
Everyone was telling me at the hospital that I wouldn't want to be in an empty house, that I wouldn't want to be bored, and that I should probably go back to work after I healed physically from childbirth after about 3 weeks. So I listened. I had one friend who suggested I might need more time and that I should be flexible, but everyone else was saying to go back after a few weeks.
I went back to work after three weeks. And that was not a smart decision.
The wonderful joy of being a teacher (ha!) is that we feel responsible for our children. Yes, of course, I also feel responsible for myself, Connor, and for Cole. But I am responsible for the 30 children who sit in my classroom each day. I need to be there for them. And that is what motivated me to go back to work (did I mention I had a sub who did nothing to help me?).
And now I'm paying the price. I had all the markers of post-partum after my doctor's visit on Wednesday, which means I now have psychologist appointments, follow-up ultrasounds for Mr. Howard and I (to check our kidneys), support group meetings, and not enough time in the day to do it all.
It's all too soon.
Friday, October 22, 2010
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
We were up every hour! I am suddenly reminded what having a newborn will be like again some day.