Sunday, February 6, 2011

We Survived

Yesterday was rough. Much rougher than I thought. I don't know why I thought that my grief would be substituted by the happiness I feel for these two little lives growing inside me. Really when you think about it, it's like losing one parent and thinking you aren't going to be as sad because you have another parent.

I won't deny that I had mint chip ice cream in front of the couch for lunch while Connor took a nap. I won't deny that I bawled my eyes out and actually got permanent mascara marks on my cheeks (Yes. It was stupid I put on mascara). I won't deny that after filling up on mint chip chocolate ice cream, I crawled into bed and bawled some more...until I fell asleep for an hour and a half! I won't deny that I was SIGNIFICANTLY less than a good mom to Connor yesterday while Mr. Howard was at work. I won't deny that I wallowed in self pity for one day. I think I am owed one day of self pity and grief.

But today. Today I laughed. Today WE laughed and had a good day.

And tomorrow. Tomorrow I will focus on these little lives inside me and being as present as I possibly can for the Little Man that is growing up wayyy too quickly!

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