Sunday, March 27, 2011

Hard

A friend recently posted on her facebook that being married is hard!!! It is definitely hard...rewarding, but hard. When I was a little girl I used to dream of a husband who would just intuitively know what to do...what I needed...what I wanted without me saying it. Of course, I learned real quickly that not saying what you want and then expecting ANYONE (let alone your partner) to know what it is that you're thinking, is just plain ridiculous. And certainly isn't going to create a healthy marriage.

So, how do you find the balance? How do you tell your partner what you want and need without complaining or "nagging?" This has been my struggle for 10 years.

A friend once said to me, "You're so lucky you have a husband who helps you!" and I was offended. I know she meant it as a compliment to Mr. Howard, but it hurt me. Why am I lucky that I chose a partner in my life who contributes? Isn't that something we should all have? Would a friend ever say to Mr. Howard, "You're so lucky you have a wife who helps take care of the house and kids?" Doubtful.

Do I feel blessed to have a man who wants to contribute? Yes. Do I thank God that he is the partner that was chosen for me. Yes! Do I think of ways I can be a better wife and mom? Yes. Do I feel I deserve the partner that I got? Sometimes, no. But, I hope he feels the same way about me! There is no luck.

I've heard this song on the radio a million times, but today I'm feeling it more than ever. Isn't that what marriage feels like some days?

So today, when I'm feeling like instead of a date night with my husband, I need a vacation from my husband...I ask you...how do you do it all? Keep the house clean? Feed your family nutritious food? Stay calm? Stay organized? Run errands? Pay bills? Keep your husband happy? Keep your children happy? And manage to keep yourself happy in the process?

I certainly don't have the answers, but I know that in the moments that are hard, I try to focus on the 10 years...focus on the love...focus on the good...and perhaps that is what separates couples like us from couples who get divorced after a few months or years of marriage. Despite the frustration and the work, I still feel this way...

And at the end of the day, there isn't anyone I'd rather dance with in the minefields!

1 comments:

QueenVII said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Great post! I totally agree that it takes time and effort to make a marriage work. There are a lot of husbands out there that do not contribute as much as Jorden does (who is our sole provider and still helps me out around the house), so I feel so blessed too. It makes me happy and I am encouraged when I see other marriages that are happy and balanced :-)

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