Saturday, September 17, 2011

Happy Birthday

I can honestly say that I am devastated. Yesterday I almost didn't make it into work, but thanks to Jen for distracting me, I got it together and headed in.

I don't know how coherent or eloquent this post is going to be, but my goal now is just to get it out.

I cried for several hours yesterday - one in the morning and a few when I got home. Mr. Howard made me really sad because he said more than once, "I'm just trying to focus on the babies..." I know he didn't mean it to be mean, but it hurt my heart. I'm allowed to miss Cole. Aiden and Isabella do not replace him. Me being sad about Cole is completely unrelated to my joy for the babies! I think someone said it best when they said to me or wrote on a blog, "When you lose your mom, you don't stop grieving because your dad is still here...Or vice versa." The place I have in my heart for Cole is a completely different place than the spot where I hold Isabella...just like it's a different spot for Connor...and Aiden!

!!!!!!!!!Literally as I was writing this post - a birthday song came on the Disney Channel!!!!!! "Your birthday is the day that you were born...Celebrate! Celebrate!...We've all come to show you how much we love you on this very special day of the year..." Thank you, Cole for reminding me that today is also a celebration! Start at about 40 seconds. I can honestly say that we've been watching the disney channel for months now and I have never heard that song come on before. Ever.

Well, I think I'm going to leave it at that for now. There are no coincidences in this world, only illusions of coincidences. Cole is reminding me to celebrate and on his birthday, he calls the shots!


Lindsey said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Happy 1st Birthday Cole!!! Hope you're having the bestest day EVER in heaven with Jesus :)

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