Wednesday, May 30, 2012

A 3-Year-Old and A Secret

We are struggling in this household. We are being tested - a sort of parenting test Hunger Games Style. Only one will survive. Will it be Connor? Mama? Daddy? The babies? Whew. Of course I'm being highly dramatic, but sometimes it feels like that. Someone once told me the three-year-old age was harder than the two-year-old stage and I actually smugly thought, "Ha! NOTHING could be harder than having an almost two-year-old and being on bedrest pregnant with twins. NOTHING." Well, thanks Lord. I get it. Loud and Clear.

A typical day involves a lot of prayers. I try to peer through the layers of tantrums and "NO MAMA I DON'T HAVE TO!!!!"'s to remember that somewhere in there is also the sweet child who says, "I love your kisses, Mama!" and snuggles me on the couch because he loves me "to the moooooon and baaack!" All of this is emotional because (a) parenting is emotional and (b) it is all compounded by the fact that I've been keeping a secret from my blog readers. And I have felt so alone in keeping it.

Aiden and Isabella are almost eleven months old and they are developmentally delayed. We don't know the extent of it because they're still too little. And who knows? All of this could remedy itself. A baby who is a month or two behind now seems dramatic. But a five-year-old who is a couple months behind is nothing. All we know now is that they should be doing things like crawling and pulling themselves up and they aren't yet. I worry because I'm a mom and I am built to worry, but it doesn't make the fears any less substantial.

We had them evaluated by our doctor's office and filled out developmental surveys. The results came back loud and clear that both babies were behind. But then, miraculously, almost the day after I sent the forms in, the babies started sitting up on their own (they were behind in sitting up independently) and I sighed a breath of relief. Their development was typical. For a month or so until the next milestones came again and they missed them too.

This isn't the end of the world. We've survived rougher waters. But boy it breaks my heart - the thought that the babies could potentially have to struggle at anything in their life. Because don't we all as parents want a life filled with infinite possibilities, boundary breaking feats, and utter joy for our children?

One of my teaching partners said to me today, "Don't worry. They'll be fine. Native Americans used to strap their children to a board until they were one-years-old" and it does put some of the "norms" of children in the US into perspective. I'm sure there are a lot of countries whose children aren't crawling at 10-11 months old either. But it breaks my heart everytime I have to go to a well baby visit and mark all the boxes as "no." Maybe someone will read this and have some advice or suggestions. I'd love to hear them. But I'll be honest...Please don't freak me out. I'm not in a state to handle it.

8 comments:

Kristy said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

I can't imagine how that must feel. Here we have something called ECI (early childhood intervention). It is a state run program that evaluates and then provides services to children with delays. The services are often times free and they also teach you how to work with your child on your own at home. I'm not sure if it's available where you are but it's something you could look in to. Praying that they continue to develop and that your hearts find peace!

Courtney said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

<3 you guys!

Elizabeth said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Try not to panic; it's so easy to worry as a Mommy. I'm a pediatric Speech-Language Pathologist (SLP) and I've worked with lots and lots of kiddos who have been a little (or a lot)behind...they usually catch right up! It's extremely common for preemies, younger siblings, and even "normal" kids to be delayed in one or more areas. They will be okay! Early intervention is very important, so it's wonderful that you are aware and able to work with them at such a young age. Feel free to email me if you have any speech/language related questions.

ehepler81@yahoo.com

Kristy is right; most states have some type of early intervention program established that is often free or has a sliding fee scale. Your pediatrician should be able to help refer you.

Page Cole said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

I hope this relieves your fears a bit...Brayton was delayed in EVERYTHING and is now totally fine. I remember he rolled over at 3 weeks and I thought "I have a genius child!" ;) But, he didn't sit up until about 8 months if I remember correctly...maybe even later. He didn't walk until 13 months and he had only pulled up a couple of weeks before that..it was crazy and so many times the pedi recommended we go to physical therapy but my husband was convinced he was fine. He just wasn't hitting the "classic textbook" timelines soon enough. At his 12 month check up he wasn't hardly verbalizing and didn't use his hands to point so the pedi wanted to send him to speech therapy. We put it off until 18 months but he still wasn't meeting the guidelines at that point so we enrolled him. He even qualified for the free state program because he was so delayed. Well, wouldn't you know that his language EXPLODED in that time and he was dismissed from therapy six weeks later. Now he is a normal active two year old and ALWAYS gets compliments from other adults about his advanced language. I really believe some kids just don't go within the specified times and the doctors want to be proactive so they tend to jump to conclusions. They just never want to think they didn't catch something sooner, but I can tell you that I really don't think you have anything to worry about! It's a terrifying feeling, though, I know. I remember just googling everything I could but never really got any straight answers. The best thing I was told was just to work with them but don't push them. They really will just do everything in their own time...they know nothing about what the books say. That reminds me, I finally stopped reading "What to Expect the First Year and Toddler Years" because every month I would read where Brayton would be and get so depressed. Especially because I had so many friends that had babies the same age as B that were literally jumping over him while he rolled around on the floor ;) Please, please, please don't worry and just do what your mommy heart tells you. Sorry this is so long, I hope it helps!

Tickled Pink said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

I totally know how you feel with your "terrible 3's". I was warned as well and thought , these people are crazy. After a rough day I just think - they all can't be like this! And sure enough after a rough day will be a great one. Just breathe! I can only imagine how you feel about the twins. A good friend of mine's oldest son was delayed as an infant and totally caught up!! You would never know. Just have faith! xxoo

Tesha said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Joseph was delayed. Rolling over at six. I think siting at eight months. I was worried but my doctor just kept say not to worry he now seems to have closed in the gap some. Try not to worry I know that is easier said than done. Saying a prayer for your peace of mind and there development.

Nicole Rodriguez said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

I'm sorry you're worried about your babes - but I honestly wouldn't stress about it. I know - easier said than done - right?! I have 3 boys and they all did things at different ages. More often than not it was at a later age than what the "norm" was. My pedi was never concerned and we just went with it. My youngest - Cole - was 9 or 10 mos before he crawled and 17 mos before he walked. Ryan - my middle - was 14 mos before he walked and 3 before he started talking - with the help of speech therapy - which he is still in. My oldest did things faster than any of them. I know as a mommy we stress and our instinct kicks in that something is wrong - but trust your gut and just remember that they are each their own person. Their times will come and it's ok if it's not all at the same time. They'll get it!

mom2tsgck said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

my youngest (I have 5 kids) was delayed in EVERY milestone. We started physical therapy a 9 months. He hated it. But we stuck with it. Finally by 15 months he "got it" and within 1 week he was climbing stairs, squatting, jumping, etc (he never did crawl properly). We discovered that he had hypotonia (doctor called him "loosey goosey") so we did exercises (like you see on TV with bending the legs at the knee while he was on his back) to strengthen his leg muscles and that made a HUGE difference. It's hard to hear your child is "delayed" but try to remember they are each wonderfully and perfectly made!! I completely understand the mother instinct though that you want to "fix" this and you don't want to hear "they'll be fine - they'll catch up in their own time" ... we're women, we're fixers by nature :)

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