Do you ever have days where you wake up and just feel so blessed? I've felt so many of those days since the twins were conceived. Despite our worries and fears and our little day-to-day setbacks, we are so lucky. Whenever summer comes around, I get this giddy feeling of freedom. We have dance parties in our kitchen in the morning while the hubby and I sip our coffee and sing That's How You Know from Enchanted. We say "I love you to the moon and back" one too many times when we should be tucking Connor into bed and saying goodnight. We have tickle wars until Connor gasps for air and screams "stop it" (although we all know, he doesn't REALLY want us to stop). And we pile into our car and run around the park while giggles emerge from all three kids; fingers and toes touch the grass and relish in all the new sensations. Summer, for The Howard Bunch, is magical.
We can't pretend that we haven't suffered tragedy. I know what it's like to plan a memorial service for my precious baby. I know what it's like to scour the Internet for sample obituaries because I've never have had to write one before - let alone write one for a baby who didn't enter the world crying. And I know what it's like to pray that God just swallow me up in bed and allow me to just cry myself into a sleep filled stupor.
But I think that is what makes my husband and I dance in the kitchen... and hug our kids tighter... and laugh when the twins are screaming in the aisle in target and we're so embarrassed. How can you know happiness - true happiness - when you've never known any sadness? People regularly say, "I don't know how you do it..." or "I remember when my twins were little and I was sooo exhausted and it was sooo hard and I just tried to survive." It's hard in those moments not to bring it back to Cole. Because having healthy twins and an active three-year-old who is busy-busy-busy is not a burden. It is not something we just try to survive. It is an honor. So many men and women in this world can't have biological kids of their own. And I refuse to forget that. Even in the moments when I want to cry...even in the moments when my house is a mess and I've had the same conversation with my husband that I've had four thousand times before revolving around cleaning up his darn coffee cups from the car...even when all three kids are crying and I am home by myself.
Our life and kids are an honor.
We got this tie from a friend and I just couldn't help but put it on Aiden the other day.
This was his angry face. But even with an angry face, he's still pretty cute!