A friend recently asked me why people read my blog. Why are they interested in a random mom from California? It got me thinking. I know why I blog. I also know why I read other people's blogs. But over time, a lot of things have shifted for me. Blogging for me used to be 100% about documenting experiences for my children and family and has now shifted to include blogging as part of a community.
I am a big "community" person. Always have been. It's why I was on volleyball teams in school. It's why I joined clubs in high school and chaired the prom committee my junior year. It's the most important reason I joined a sorority in college. And it's become a huge part of the reason why I blog. I love being a part of a community - a community of moms/women/parents/people who just support each other, encourage each other, and maybe offer a hand up when someone is feeling down. I know what it's like to feel isolated and alone. And I don't ever want people to feel that way - be it in parenthood, friendship, babyloss, mothers of multiples, etc. I don't blog because I want to be famous or because I want people to talk about me in conversations. I blog because I want people to know that I'm just like everyone else. I'm just a wife who loves my husband madly, but also has bad days where I say the wrong things and nag him when I need to lift him up. I'm a mom who rejoices and celebrates after a really good day, but cries when I start to second guess if I'm enough..if I'm doing the right things...if I need to do more. I'm a woman who knows what it feels like to grow a beautiful baby to 20 weeks, deliver him, hold him, love him, name him, bless him, and then have a memorial service for him. I'm a teacher who loves what I do, but is frustrated with the system and the way society views us. I'm a traveler who prioritizes international and national travel, but who struggles to find ways to make it work with kids, money, and other day-to-day barriers. I'm a friend who adores the bonds and friendships I have made over the years, but wishes there were more hours in the day to be with the people I love. I make mistakes. But I also live a life in which I wake up every day feeling so unbelievably blessed. In short, I am human. And I am not defined by only one facet of my life.
So, why do people read my blog? I'd like to think it's because people share in my struggles, laugh at my mistakes, see themselves in my frustrations, and celebrate in watching my children grow up. I'd like to think it's because they rooted for me when I got pregnant with Connor, lifted me up when we lost Cole, and cried in joy with me when we found out we were having twins. I'd like to think it's because people have seen my heart. And I'd especially like to think that my insignificant story has inspired someone to feel unalone and unafraid.
I will never be the mom who nurses my kids until they're two (God knows I wish I even had the option), or lets them cry it out 100% of the time, or never lets my kids sleep in my bed, or lets my kids sleep in my bed until they're 4, or sticks to a strict "take a bottle away when they're one-years-old" rule. I'm a woman of mediums. A mom who is realistic in my shortcomings. A woman who tries to balance being a wife to the man who came before anyone else...a mom to the people who I will forever imprint...and a teacher to the kids who have no one else. I struggle every.single.day with that balance.
I don't have an autobiography to write filled with stories of my military experience of yesteryear or vignettes about the times I climbed Mount Everest. And I probably never will. But I don't think that means I don't have a story to tell.