Thursday, September 20, 2012

How We Spent Cole's Birthday

My hubby and I took the day off from work. We debated and debated about keeping the kids home from school (with us), but eventually we decided that this day was for us. For our grieving and healing. And so we spent the whole day together. If you follow me on instagram, you know a little about what we did. But there are other parts that we're going to keep between us.
 
We did walk around UC Davis in the Redwood Trees. What other college campus has a redwood forest right smack dab in it?!?
I wore Cole's footprint around my neck all day and I'll probably wear it for the next month or so. It's nice to put it close to my heart.
 
In the evening, we picked the kids up from school and came home.
After dinner, we released balloons with messages to our precious boy on them.
And then afterwards we did cake.
 
I know not everyone will be able to understand or agree with our choice to do a birthday cake each year; but for us, it's healing.
It's a part of our grieving process. It's a part of celebrating our little man and remembering that while his little life was ridiculously short, he was still valued. He was still Connor's little brother and Aiden and Isabella's big brother and most importantly, he was still our son.
 
I don't know how long we'll do cakes for him. Maybe a couple years? Maybe until he'd be 40? I don't know. But we'll keep doing them for as long as it still feels right for our family. 
We are beyond grateful for our amazing friend (and her husband) who made this year's cake for us and last year's cake.
 
I'll tell you; while I mostly held it together this year, I pretty much lost it when I heard Connor sing happy birthday to him. I know he doesn't really understand what's going on and for now, that's okay. But, hearing him sing "Happy birthday dear Cole..." broke my little heart. I know Connor is infinitely blessed with Aiden and Isabella and he's not lacking in the sibling department; but he is such a good big brother and it would have been such a blessing to see him with one more little sibling.
 
Hunny? Do you hear that? One more little sibling??

4 comments:

My name is Heather. said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

beautiful. we just celebrated our triplet's first birthday in heaven. you can read what we did on my blog at hmsd.blogspot.com, very similar celebration. i have a feeling we will be doing cake every year, and i don't know that i could go a year without it. cole was a blessed boy to have your family. and he knows it, don't worry.

Lindsey said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

LOVE how you celebrated Cole. What a wonderful family he has!!!

The Schult Family said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Everybody needs a cake on their birthday - including Cole! He is such a lucky little boy to be respected and loved by his whole family. You guys are rad!

Tesha said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Wonderful cake! I love that you celebrated Cole in so many ways, he is blessed to be so loved. As far as siblings go I say the more the merrier :)

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