Sunday, September 29, 2013

He Would Have Been Three-years-old

For, what would have been, Cole's third birthday, Mr. Howard and I decided to escape for a couple hours to Tahoe (we live about 2 hours away). We left after dropping the kids off at preschool and came back before they had to be picked up. There may come a day when we don't need to take the day off, but for right now - it's just too hard to go to work. It was an emotional day (it's been an emotional month) and, in a lot of ways, the more that time passes, the more I feel like people have forgotten (not everybody - we got lots of sweet calls, texts, cards, and messages). It makes the days and month even more emotional for us. I don't judge people ONE BIT for moving on; honestly, I totally get it. At a certain point, we all have to move on. It's just hard on me because I don't want him to be forgotten.

We went to Starbucks and sat at the beach for a good, long time. We just talked about Cole and just spent time connecting. It was a very peaceful relaxing time.

 Afterwards, we went to Bear Beach CafĂ© (we googled "lake view" and found this place) and while it didn't really have a lake view, we LOVED the burgers. Hubby got a Chicago Firehouse: burger with a fried egg, bacon, cheese, and onion. I got a Golden Bear Burger with BBQ sauce, grilled onion, and cheddar cheese. So delicious.
 When we got back, we went and bought balloons and wrote messages to our sweet boy. Hubby and I wrote on both sides of one balloon, Connor wrote his own balloon (bottom left), and then the twins did their own balloon (top right). Connor understands that Cole is his baby brother and is in heaven (as much as one can understand that) and talks about him. He knew it was his birthday and even told preschool that it was. The babies are still too little; they just knew we drew on balloons, sang happy birthday, and ate cupcakes!
Afterwards, we went out front to sit for a little while and play.
And then gave each child a balloon to release.
They sent their balloon messages into the sky to Cole one at a time.
Isabella, since September 17th, has pointed to the sky and asked me "where balloons go?" about 10 times.
They watched them until they were no longer visible:
Then we celebrated with delicious cupcakes!
Since Cole would have been three-years-old, we gave each baby a cupcake with a candle. Boy do I wish he was here celebrating his birthday with us.
The babies blew out the candles, except Isabella - who didn't quite understand the concept. I thought the series of photos below were pretty funny.
And then they devoured them.
I do not take Connor, Aiden, and Isabella for granted one bit. I know how blessed we are to be given the joy and privilege of being parents to children here on earth. My grief for Cole does not take away from the joy I have for my other kids. But I still mourn for Cole. I pray that my aunt Karen and Rebecca's Mom are holding him in heaven and keeping him company until I can hold my sweet boy in my arms. 

6 comments:

Mrs. Howard said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

looks and sounds like a beautiful day. we do a lot of similar things. he had a wonderful birthday in heaven, i'm sure of it!

Mrs. Howard said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Awww what a perfect day! I agree the hardest part is feeling that they will be forgotten. You did a beautiful job remembering Cole and honoring him!

Mrs. Howard said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

This brought tears to my eyes, but such a wonderful way to remember him!

Mrs. Howard said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Thanks Kelly!!

Mrs. Howard said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Thanks, Tesha!! Just a day at a time, right? I can't wait for you to snuggle your sweet baby and get to experience the joy of infant babies again. It is healing in a lot of ways!

Mrs. Howard said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

I am sure of it too. I am sure he is loving his time up there; it's only hard for me. And it won't be long before I can snuggle him myself. What's 60 years compared to an eternity? :-)

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