Today is the third birthday of our sweet, sweet Cole. I am barely holding it together. I keep thinking every year that it will get easier - easier to talk about, easier to celebrate, easier to remember - but I haven't reached that stage yet. Maybe I won't ever get there.
I know it is selfish, but I just want to hold him in my arms one more time - study his sweet features, kiss him some more, sing to him. I just want more time with him.
I don't have a lot of words today, except to say that I am heartbroken. I miss my beautiful, handsome boy and my heart aches for the memories we would have been creating today - happy birthday songs sung as a family, gifts opened with excitement, lots and lots of laughter, maybe even some dancing before breakfast, and definitely - definitely lots of hugs, kisses, and a million "I love you's."
I keep praying for healing, amidst my sadness. But the reality is that my heart is just still so broken.
Cole, my little boy - my middle son - my sweet angel,
I miss you, sweetheart. I can't wait for the day that I get to hold you in my arms for eternity.