Tuesday, October 7, 2014

...And it Suddenly Occurs to You That...

Sometimes it's really easy to focus on all the parts of parenthood that are hard, because sometimes parenting can feel so alone. I have no coworkers to get advice from down the hall from me; I have no professional development conferences I attend quarterly; and I don't have a partner I meet with to exchange data. So sometimes, for me, it's good to hear other moms say, "It's hard!" because it can often be so isolating when you're parenting in the comfort of your own home. Add in there this digital Mom bullying, where everyone is so quick to judge (have you ever read Dear Mom on the iPhone? Holy judgemental-ness) that oftentimes, I keep a lot of my parenting-is-hard comments to myself, because sometimes people take my comments to mean that I am not wonderfully grateful. So somedays, it just feels great to exhale amidst a community of mamas and say, "Whew! This is hard..."

And then there are days where you are standing in the shower with a moment to yourself, and it suddenly occurs to you that the days you are calling hard, used to be a whole lot harder. You remember the days when you couldn't even shower - because you had two nursing babies who were hungry and a toddler who was struggling with the transition of adding two new siblings. You remember what it was like to feel helpless as your twins took turns waking in the night - so that by the time the sun rose, you couldn't even remember what it was like to have slept a full night. You remember how hard those first few weeks back at work with your six-week-old newborn (your first born) in someone else's care. You remember what it was like to pray for a child so completely, even though you knew that you'd only hold that child in your arms for hours because the Lord was going to take him home. 

And you remember just how easy so many parts of your life now are. And just how grateful you feel.
I love that my children can play games (like, how many brothers can I fit into a piece of furniture?) together and I can easily run upstairs to put a load of laundry in...or order their halloween costumes...or make a meal. There were days when I wasn't able to do any of that. All day.
I love that taking kids shopping is getting easier (don't get me wrong - we still have bad days!), but I am so grateful that, as long as they have carts, I can shop with three small children.
I love that going to restaurants is getting SO much easier. I love that there are even some days hubby and I can actually have a conversation at dinner (I used to dream of the days when my children could behave well enough at a restaurant that it didn't leave me in hives from anxiety!).
I am blessed to hear little giggles and love that my kids are finally at an age where their interaction with each other is reflective of the close relationship that they have. Just hearing Isabella say, "Good job Connor! You did it!" or hearing Aiden said, "Sissy, I want a kiss before I go to bed" or hearing Connor say, "Babies! I am so proud of you!" melts my little mama heart. We are so wonderfully blessed.
For every hard day I have, there are a million dance-in-your-jammies-around-the-living-room and sing-on-the-top-of-your-lungs-to-Frozen moments. For every sad day, there are a million moments filled with such pure joy. For every day I feel so utterly exhausted, there are hundreds of I-can't-sleep-because-I'm-so-excited-about-taking-the-kids-to-the-pumpkin-patch mornings where I spring out of bed wide awake! We are so wonderfully blessed.

Most days I fail at some aspect of motherhood, but then I go to bed and say my prayers, and wake up ready to know better...do better...and probably fail all over again. Afterall, in the wise words of Billie Robinson in the movie Meet the Robinsons,

"From failing you learn. From success...mmm...not so much." 

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